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The 5 Stages of March Madness

The 5 Stages of March Madness:


Preparation: Selection Sunday is upon us. Monmouth didn’t get in, so you’re a little mad at the committee, but all in all it’s looking like it will be a good couple of weeks. You didn’t get to catch a whole lot of regular season games, but you know Buddy Hield’s good and you feel obligated to root for USC after their time on campus.

The beginning rounds: You’re immediately regretting not choosing more upsets. Once again, you’re reminded that playing it safe gets you nowhere. Despite your having a superior basketball IQ than almost everyone, your friend that filled out a bracket as a joke is doing significantly better than you. You’re batting around .44 and have lost all faith in Tom Izzo. Kansas is still around, so you’re holding out the smallest bit of hope.

Sweet 16: Your team is done. Your bracket is despicable at this point. It seems like you may end up with one of the teams you picked in the final four, but nothing’s a guarantee. Since all hope is lost, you’ve started to root against all of the teams you hate. Namely Duke. Because everybody loves to hate Duke. And the only thing that you hate more than Duke is Grayson Allen (and JJ Reddick).

The Finals and Beyond: Kansas lost, so it’s over. You were still recovering from the Michigan State tragedy, but this is it. You’re most likely desperately trying to erase any evidence that documented your March Madness failure. This means frantically deleting your brackets from the UHS pool and burning the one you had hanging on your refrigerator door. So now, with April upon us, you can look forward to next year, and hope that the constant shame that accompanied this March Madness will be long gone by summer time.